The BMW E38 is the BEST 7 Series

3

Chris Pollitt

This… thing is the current BMW 7 Series or i7, or whatever it’s called. It is to pleasing aesthetics what wellingtons are to ballet dancers. It’s hideous. And normally the looks of a vehicle would be the subject to subjective appreciation. But that’s not the case here. Nobody will look at this and think ‘yeah, that’s a good-looking car’. They may, however, vomit. There is a way to avoid such bile-based reactions though. Simply buy the best 7 Series there ever was, the BMW E38. Peak BMW, if you will.

This isn’t open to debate or question, it’s just a fact. The BMW E38 7 Series is one of the best cars BMW ever made. It was and still is everything an executive saloon should be. It’s graceful, it’s comfortable, it’s made with fastidious care and attention, it’s fast, it handles well, it’s safe and even today – twenty-nine years later – it still cuts a dash. It is proof that good design never goes out of style. All hail the BMW E38.

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The BMW E38 was the crescendo of the 7 Series line. Before it, BMW created the E23 and the E32, and with them they took a great idea and refined, tweaked, teased and evolved it into the E38 version. While the car may have landed in showrooms in the mid ’90s, development actually began back in ’88. Under the watchful eye of Claus Luthe and then Wolfgang Reitzle, designers submitted their vision of the next big 7. The one that won out was by the brilliantly named Boyke Boyer. With myriad BMW designs under his belt, he nailed what the new car should be. It was unmistakably both a BMW and a 7 Series. It was a flagship car, it boasted presence, but without arrogance or flash. It was subtle in its impressiveness.

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On paper, the design breaks no boundaries. It’s a traditional three-box saloon, it has the trademark kidney grille, the quad lights and of course, the Hoffmeister Kink. Describe it, and you’d have a tough job drumming up enthusiasm. It’s only when eyes fall on it that it makes sense. It’s not beautiful, but it is captivating and handsome. It’s perfectly balanced in every way, with just the right height, length, overhangs, the balance in size of the glass and doors and so on. It’s a masterclass in ‘less is more’. Unlike the new i7, which looks like its the lovechild of a chrome toaster and an LED Christmas tree.

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Of course, the BMW E38 wasn’t all about the looks. It had to have the interior and of course, the drive to match. The interior was and indeed still is a wonderful place to be. All E38s had leather, electric everything and more. You could have digital climate control, various stereo options, electric seats, a mobile phone and even a TV. Talk about an executive express. And it was all made out of proper stuff, by which we mean that even the oldest E38s boast great exteriors today so long as they haven’t been neglected. Comfortable, quiet, refined, lots of wood. Perfection.

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Then there was the way the BMW E38 went. People who have never owned one will tell you that you have to have one of the four V8 options (3.0, 3.5, 4..0 or 4.4 litre), or maybe even the the V12. And they’ll tell you that you should avoid the 2.8i straight-six, and you’re going to ignore them. Every engine in the E38 is an utter joy, and while the 2.8i isn’t going to set the world on fire, it’s not exactly slow, either. Plus, driven sensibly, it’s great on fuel, too. Here in the UK, we only got petrol versions, though BMW did offer straight-six and V8 diesel version in other markets. We also only had the five-speed manual, while other markets had a five or six-speed manual – as per Frank’s car in ’90s action flick, The Transporter. 

The best bit about the BMW E38, however, was the way in which it drove. BMW wasn’t willing to sacrifice driving dynamics just because it was an executive heavyweight. Other manufacturers might do such things, but not BMW. 50/50 weight distribution, firm yet compliant and supportive suspension, excellent brakes, a low centre of gravity – the BMW E38 is a car you really can press on in. Its an executive mile muncher, sure, but if you want to drive you can. And it will reward you. The steering is laden with feedback, the chassis too as it keenly communicates what’s going on. You sit low thanks to the overall design, which further adds to the sporty feel. BMW proved that cars like this can still be fun and engaging, not soft.

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And finally, James Bond had one. Q didn’t really know what it was, as he described it as “your BMW seven-hundred-and-fifty” bless him, but that doesn’t matter. What matters is that while every other Bond BMW failed to resonate, the E38 did. The Z3 and the Z8 just didn’t work for 007, no matter how many gizmos Q Branch fitted. The E38 did though. It was suave, sophisticated and it could turn heads without being obnoxious. It was the perfect car for Bond. And it had rocket launchers in the roof, which was pretty cool.

Yep, the BMW E38 really was the best. And the market has cottoned on, so buy one now while you can. Just don’t fit rocket launches to it. That’s probably an MOT fail or something.

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