Description
Hi there, let me save you some time – you really don’t want this car.
Time is money and all, so save £3, 750 of yours and move along to the next whimsical plot.
Take it from me, I’ve found to my cost how well rose-tinted spectacles work, having had one of these (in red) as my first new car back in the day.
Dabble again at your peril!
Still reading? OK, let me spell out the problems for you.
It’s bright yellow for a start. Stupid, cheery, colour. With matching(!) red seat belts.
People will see you coming. If you’ve stopped, they may even want to talk to you. Worse yet, they may even be enthusiastic about the car (fools) and have questions or, if you’re really unlucky, they may also have had one back in the day in which case you’re stuck. For ages.
It’s light. 730kg. You feel everything in the road. Who wants to do that anymore? You’ve missed a memo ‘cos the ‘Grand Plan’ says we should all be driving 2. 5 tonne BEVs where it’s the road itself that is pummelled into submission.
It talks to you. All the time. Through the chatty steering, through your seat. Your ears hear every one of the 54 horses straining to get you to the speed limit. Sure, its game, but who wants to actually have to try and drive these days when we’ve got electric motors capable of reorganising the internal organs of the unwary under acceleration, where speed can be gained by accident much faster than this thing at full effort.
It's 25 years old and Italian. There’s a huge number of receipts for maintenance over the years. In a cheery yellow folder, to hide the pain within. And you know all those receipts mean nothing to those poor, misguided, owners, because you can be sure that cometh the MOT, cometh new trouble. I changed the cambelt, radiator fan, and serviced it prior to the last MOT. The result of this lavished attention? A hole in the middle of the exhaust suddenly appeared. And 2 new front tyres, which it didn’t deserve.
You live a life enriched by connectivity, right? Not in this yellow peril, you won’t. It’s capable of receiving old-time analogue radio signals (which you won’t be able to convert into sound, for the speakers are laughable), but no more. Hey, if you have some tapes to donate to the local charity shop, you can play those on the way. Don’t go looking for digital displays and touchscreens, there are none. Good job too, for you will need all your faculties to safely maintain the speed limit.
Let’s take safety. The eagle-eyed among you (and these messages are for you, most of all) will note it’s a later model with an airbag. Trust me, this is possibly the most meaningless feature on any production car, ever. In a crash, all that will happen is that your face is preserved, while the rest of you will be converted to soup. There are 3m of crumple zone in this 3. 2m car. This was a car conceived well before NCAP, and it shows…
Are there any good points? Well, everything works, for now. But remember, it’s Italian. It’s also in great condition, inside and out, because no-one would want to crash it and some people inexplicably love it enough to take care of it.
Full disclosure, I have this and a 1991 Honda NSX as my ‘fun’ cars. This daft thing is way more fun. It makes me smile on every trip. It makes other people smile. You can safely drive it at full chat, and know it was you that did that and not a hive of microchips. It’s cheeky and chuckable. It’s madly enthusiastic. It’s Italian and it loves to rev. It will try and do anything for you…
Wait, no!!! I must not go there. This is NOT a car for 2022. This is not what you want to buy. It drinks the unfashionable juice (worse yet, it’s only known the high-grade E5 stuff). It’s small, and light when everything today is big and heavy. It doesn’t understand SUVs or range anxiety. It’s tragically unsafe. There’s no infotainment or connectivity to be had. It’s not got this slightest whiff of refinement anywhere. It’s not for you.
So, please don’t get in touch. They’re not as good as you remember. Leave me to my pain, perhaps it’s for the best. Put the money towards this year’s energy and food bills. You’ll thank me for it.
